17
Jan
2012
0

How to Respond to a Jerk

upset

Did somebody do you wrong?

Somebody did me wrong.

I mean… down and dirty.

They asked me if they could take something from me.

I said no. Then they did it anyway.

They even talked bad about me in the process.

Ouch! I thought they were my friend. That hurts even worse.

This isn’t a recent event – otherwise it’s possible that someone might think that I am talking about them. No, this happened a while back. Yet, I still remember it clearly.

You see, after it happened I didn’t call them and tell them what they did.

I didn’t ask them why they did it.

I didn’t correct them.

I didn’t even give them a piece of my mind (I need all the pieces I have).

What I Should Have Said?

I’ve shared this story, more than once, as an example of how to work though workplace differences.

Most of the time, this is the most shocking part of the story.

After all, its only natural to want to pick up the phone and say, “What the heck were you thinking?”

Or, “Were you thinking at all?”

That makes sense, right?

Let’s review: They asked. We said no. They did it anyway.

Come to think about it, they should be expecting a phone call…

But are they?

Probably not.

You see, they aren’t expecting a phone call (or any other type of confrontation) because they don’t think they did anything wrong.

And if we told them they were wrong, we would just hurt ourselves.

A wise man once said:

If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you’ll get slapped in the face; confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins. So don’t waste your time on a scoffer; all you’ll get for your pains is abuse. But if you correct those who care about life, that’s different—they’ll love you for it! — Proverbs 9:7-8 (MSG)

Basically, if a jerk is a jerk (and let’s face it, sometimes people are), it’s not our job to correct them.

Not only is it not our job… it makes us self-righteous and pain seeking.

Not worth it!

However, for as many jerks as there are out there, there are just as many people who are looking to be better friends.

These are your true friends.

They are the ones you can share your feelings and coach to a better place in life.

So, the next time “somebody done somebody wrong” – be sure you know who and what you are dealing with so you don’t just deal yourself more pain.

How did you handle a recent time when someone hurt you?

Let me know in the comments. I want to hear all about it.

35 Responses

  1. Sophie

    I totally agree, Nicole- I’ve met many jerks before, yes, some people are born to be jerks:) the best way is to walk away..but sometimes you do not have that option, then you need God’s power…such is the life

  2. theresa

    When the jerk happens to be someone that is very close to me all I can to is forgive them. And hope that in someway they will understand that they hurt me and come to accept my love I have for them.

  3. Angie Jones

    A true friend can give you “Feedback” to help you change your life in a positive way. Be accepting of it and know that it is given in love.

  4. Kristin

    Always on time! I just read (and reread over and over again..) that particular Proverbs scripture last night.. it brought me peace and comfort. I recently had to let go of someone, who at one point, I thought wanted good things for me, for herself and our families. Things didn’t turn out that way. Misery really does love company. I always questioned if I went about it the right way and thankfully got my answer. I wanted to avoid any ugly confrontation because this person really doesn’t have a clue that she did any wrong. A lot has changed and I’m moving forward. I want better for me and my family.

    1. Sylar

      I know how you feel! It’s always great to look back on a failed relationship and realize that you showed them love, compassion, forgiveness, understanding, and patience. It’s the best when you go over all of your actions and know for sure that you were an example to someone who might not know God, and show them the kind of unjudgemental love that Jesus shows us. It’s only then that you can positively say that it was completely the other person’s choice to end the relationship. I’m glad you’re able to do all of that.

      1. Kristin

        No one can touch the love that Jesus has for us. We are human and can only try to do our best… I learn new things everyday. God is still working on me. I do know, however, that I did make the right decision for me and my family.

  5. Stacey

    There was someone in my life who treated me wrong. After that she gave me an earful about it, as if the wrong wasn’t enough. At one time in my life I would have come unglued and given it right back, but not this time. I sat quietly and listened in disbelief. When she was done, I simply said, “The only thing I know to say to you is that I will pray for you”. I hung up the phone. About a year later she confronted me at an event for our children and asked that I forgive her and that she was sorry for everything. I almost, couldn’t believe it, but why not, God does answer and I had been praying for her and about the situation. Now we are friends and our children get a along great. Things could’ve turned out so much differently had I reacted any other way. GOD IS GOOD.
    Thank you

  6. Kelly

    Right On Pastor Nicole!! How do you and Pastor David know just what to feed us AT the time we NEED IT?? That is what makes you so special to me day after day!!
    Pastor David with the Eagle and Weasel story on Sunday…it was EXACTLY what I needed and it has been helping me since. I have let someone hurt me over and over, lie to me time after time….I knew he was but, still liked the attention I guess. I severed ties with him two weeks ago and then Pastor David told that story on Sunday….each time I have thought of him since, I say to myself “DROP THE WEASEL!!”. And now you are speaking to me again….given me strength and re-affirming my faith that I can do ALL things through Christ who strenghtens ME!! My life changed when I started coming to Faith Chrurch and I cannot thank the two of you enough for ALL of your hard work, love and dedication!!!

  7. Leigh

    Loved reading this!!
    Mine was a friend at work who was not a Christian and our friendship ended very badly. She said many very hurtful things but even at that time I forgave her and moved on. After 8 years she found me again and let me know that she is now a Christian and that she remembered a lot of the stuff I talked about as a Christian. She apologized and we are now friends again. I cannot express how happy I was to see the amazing and wonderful change in her since accepting Jesus into her life and cannot wait to meet up with her again! (it was also a blessing to know that I was able to plant seeds into her life even though it looked…at the time…as if they were falling on hard ground)
    I also had another friend who totally used me and I finally had to cut her out of my life. Sometimes we have to know who to let go of and who to keep…and that isn’t always easy.

  8. Cassandra

    WOW!!! This was so on point and was absolutely the confirmation that I needed, in a situation that I just experienced. Thank you so much, Pastor Nicole, for sharing this word.

  9. Stephanie

    This really hit home with me. Thank you! Friday night I found out that my boyfriend has had another girlfriend in addition to me for the last year. He came with me every Tuesday to church and we incorporated our spiritual beliefs into our relationship…. or so I thought. Obviously, I’m devastated. I feel good about my actions and am handling this with as much class as I can. I’m praying for him often. I really needed to hear the part about true friends and coaching each to be better. This gives me hope that there is a guy out there waiting to find a girl like me(when the time is right) and I will be a better person for having gone through this. Thanks!

    1. Stephanie – Just like Erica’s story…. Wow.

      It let’s us know that there are people going through similar things to us right now. We are not alone.

      We hurt together and we can heal together. I pray healing in your heart!

  10. Erica

    This message hit close to home for me. I ended a 15 month relationship 6 weeks ago on mutual terms. After he moved out all I heard was how hurt he was and he drop kicked me of the face of the earth, like I meant nothing to him and in return he pulled a pity party on me. He said he did everything he could for me and changed his life just for me and my kids. Come to find out, the main reason he left was because of my 2 beautiful kids. He couldn’t handle the responsibility. While he was packing his things, I was at work and his response was, ” I just had my girlfriend watch me pack my things and watch me leave without saying a thing. Remember we made a mutual agreement, somehow he tried to turn it all around and blame for everything that went wrong. I still am having a hard time dealing with this.

    1. Erica –
      It can really hurt. I am so sorry. Take time. Heal. You are a beautiful creature of God! A masterpiece! Created in His image!!!!

      This did not take Him by surprise. He has a great plan for you!

  11. Jackie

    There is a saying “Say what you mean , mean what you say but don’t say it mean”. I had to learn how to share my feelings instead of stuffing them. However it is the delivery and some people just do not get it! Pray. I would like to forget many things. Some time you need time….

  12. Ashley

    A girl I really cared about as a friend came to my new years party went into my bedroom and stole $60.00, she has never held a job, she pulled money out tO by stuff at the gas station and I thought nothing about it, when my boyfreind brought her the change I thought twice. Counted my money and sure enough, it was gone! I asked her to give me what was left back and leave. She did, and I can’t find it in myself tO forgive her.

    1. Ashley – don’t let this start a root of unforgiveness and bitterness in your heart. I would pay $60 to get bitterness out! I believe in you and KNOW that you can forgive her for this. God forgave all we have done, now we get to pay it forward and forgive her. I know it is hard. But I trust that with God you can do this 🙂

  13. Phil C

    Wow!! I didn’t handle the last time someone hurt me very well. I mean I smiled as if it didn’t bother me and when people would ask me i would say it never bothered me. but until I got real with myself and realized it hurt me it just went everywhere with me! Thanks for the word!!

  14. David

    So true Pastor Nicole! A great reminder that the Bible says that “‘Vengeance is mine’, says the Lord.” It’s not up to us to fight our battles but to give them to God and allow him to work through the situation. Thanks for this reminder. You’re always on point!

  15. Sandy

    So needed this. Ha! I spent last night praying and preparing my thoughts for a conversation I was planning to have. It was with someone I had trusted and later found out to be a liar to the core. They had manipulated me through lies and I was going to tell them that and list in detail each event in which they had lied to me as if it were a bank statement. Your blog helped me to see they really don’t care and absolutely would not receive it from me. If I had read your blog yesterday, I would have gotten to sleep earlier. Ha! But at least I’m not going to have more pain. Subject officially droped. Thank you Pastor Nicole.

  16. Ruth

    I didn’t handle my situation very well, and I have regreted it every day for the past 2 years. I allowed myself to get offended and I cut that person out of my life. I just stopped talking to her & avoided her. You see, she is my sister. I should have known better because I am a seasoned christian, but not a perfect one. I allowed my flesh to take over and rule. Those nasty emotions crowded out the word.

    It’s impossible to live an offended free life-it is possible to live a life free from an offense. Please pray that my sister and I will someday repair our relationship.

  17. Very timely! God knows every situation! Chris us dealing with a couple of them at work right now, and I am back in contact with a childhood friend who did me wrong many times, but now she is needing major prayer support for stage 3b breast cancer, and though she doesn’t know I know, yet, I am praying for her to be healed. God has given me an open with people who have hurt other members of my family, and I am reaching out with love, and praying the seeds of Godly love will spring forth and cause more love and forgiveness and repentance! I do know the importance of letting some go, too, as there are a few that I have had to close the door on.

  18. Marie

    This was an awesome word and confirmation!! Sometimes you just gotta LOVE from a distance!! My sister and I have had a falling out (about what I am still not clear on) …we haven’t spoke to one another in almost a year…I have tried….but every time I try I end up getting hurt. Finally someone close to me told me to forget it, drop it, pray for them and love at a distance…I miss talking with her as we had talked several times a day sometimes…I looked at her as a best friend, a sister and a mom figure…Someday I believe it will be that way again!! God is Good!!

    Thank you Pastor Nicole for ALWAYS being so RIGHT ON TARGET!!

    1. Marie – It is hard, but great advice. Keep loving her from here and through time and one inch at a time, you may get to love your sister again in a close proximity. I love that you don;t even know what you fought about. That happens to people ALL that time!

  19. Leigh

    I’ve been dealing with this at work, too. Someone I work with that I thought was my friend completely turned on me over a misunderstanding. When I asked if we could talk about it, she wouldn’t. I’ve prayed over it and agonized over it. I’ve finally come to the conclusion that there is nothing I did to cause it. Therefore, there is nothing I can do to fix it. I’m polite. I’m profession. What she does is her business.

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