Suddenly, my eyes filled with tears. I felt NAKED, even exposed. It was junior high lunchroom PTSD, all over again!
When I wrote my first book, “Hi God, It’s Me Again,” I was sure it was a God idea. I was SO excited about it!
I felt the Lord flowing through me, in a way that made me better than I was. I knew it was going to help people when we released it at our Women’s Conference, that year.
BUT THEN…the moment when I was supposed to get up and read a little excerpt from the book. Why are my eyes ‘sweating’? That’s sweat, right? Not tears. Because tears would be stupid right now. OH NO! There’s more sweat…
From the bottom of my toes to the roots of my hair, I felt the PANIC of remembering how people bullied me when they found out I was so flawed.
There I was, on LIVE international television, in front of millions of people… stammering. I felt like an idiot. Stupid. Fumbling. I KNEW PEOPLE WERE THINKING BAD THINGS ABOUT ME,
I finally had to pause and admit, “I’m sorry. I had no idea how vulnerable I would feel when the book actually made its way into people’s hands.”
“And I just realized, it’s hard to read when you’re CRYING.”
(Then, I laughed nervously.)
Thankfully, the audience laughed, too. I could feel their compassion really pulling FOR me. That was something I didn’t expect!
If I hadn’t been HONEST about being afraid of rejection, the people probably wouldn’t have given me that unspoken permission to relax and just be REAL.
Funny, how the vulnerability I wanted to HIDE the most… was the thing that made it all okay! What I thought was going to SINK me, is what BONDED us. Wow, humility is more powerful than I thought? I wish I knew that earlier…
______________________________________
Do you have a hidden testimony that might have the power to help someone else? (‘Y” or “N”)
C’mon! Let’s be vulnerable together!
I invite you to get any of my books at Amazon.com or go to my personal webpage at https://nicolecrank.com.
