I was in my office the other day talking with a trio of bright, single people.
They were thin and good-looking.
They had great personalities and an even better social life.
But then, the conversation drifted…
One person mentioned how lonely the single life could be, then the others chimed in that they felt the same way.
I was pretty shocked to think that these high caliber singles (with very together lives) felt this way!
I mean, from the outside, it looked as if the world was their oyster–foot loose and fancy free!
They seemed ready to pick up and go at a moment’s notice.
It never occurred to me that they were looking for a reason to pick up and go…
Being married for 17 years with two kids, I don’t really remember that feeling of loneliness.
I’m sure I experienced it at times. I recall it … vaguely–like in a dream.
But at this point in my fast-paced life–juggling my schedule, my husband’s schedule, and the schedules of two social kids in more activities than I can count on two hands; I dream of just a few moments to myself… to do what I want to do… and when I want to do it–in peace and quiet!
Talk about a dream… like the title of that children’s book, Just Five Minutes of Peace!
It’s funny how we desire what we don’t have! No matter what it is.
Lonely single people and married people dreaming of alone time…
You would figure one of these two scenarios would make us happy, but that’s just it!
Relationships will never make us happy.
Finding a mate will not make us happy.
If we have a spouse, it is not up to them to make us happy.
Rather, it is up to us to find our happiness in Christ.
Now you might be thinking… I’d love to do that, but how?
The Perfect Relationship
Paul said in the Bible:
Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.
–Phillipians 4:11-13 (MSG (emphasis mine))
The secret to every relationship is our relationship with the Greater One. If we want any other relationship to mesh (including our relationship with ourselves), we have to develop a relationship with God.
Without trust in Him, we will doubt the purpose of our existence.
Without knowing who He is, we can not be assured that His plans for us are to give us a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Without a relationship with Him, we do not know that we can do all things through Him.
Without talking to Him and hearing His voice, we don’t have access to the encouragement that assures us that the victory is ours and the battle is the Lord’s. (2 Chronicles 20:15)
When I look back on my life, I wonder how I ever made it through some of the times when I strayed from Him. Its no wonder those times in my life weren’t pretty. I had left the relationship.
That may be where you are today–a little lost in life.
You might be wondering if the decisions you made were the right ones. Or perhaps, you’re wondering if you are in the right place, with the right person, and at the right time.
I have good news for you!
God never denies us relationship with Him.
You can turn back to God in repentance and He will accept you instantly… allowing the relationship restoration to begin. He never leaves you. He is faithful.
Let’s take a moment to commit our lives to Him right now by praying this prayer:
God, every day I need you. Sometimes I fall away, get distracted or purposefully do my own thing instead of doing what I know You want me to do. I’m sorry!
Right now I recommit my life to You and realign my purpose with the destiny for which You have created me.
I know You love me, and God, I love you. I will serve You! Speak to my heart the way that I should go and Lord I will listen and obey. Amen.
Now, that relationship is right. It is meshed. It is folded back together in such a way that He can’t see the separation any longer.
And we have taken the first step toward… happy.
As always Pastor Nicole, a great article and message! Just the word I needed to hear today!
I SO agree with this. Being single rocks, but the grass is always greener on the other side. I’m learning to enjoy where I’m at on the way to where I’m going. Beautifully written, Pastor Nicole! (This inspired me to set my ringtone to “Single Ladies” by Beyonce. Just saying…) Ha.
Gotta know – did you really change your ring tone?
No – but only because I couldn’t figure out how to do it 🙂
Great read! I’ve been married for 8yrs w/ 4 kiddos and my wife and I have realized that if our time with God is slacking, our relationship always tends to suffer. 1.)God 2.)Family 3.)Church 🙂
Matt – Great order!
WOW!! Really needed this today! Thankful to know you and have you as my Pastor. You and PD make a ROCKSTAR team 🙂
Dead on! Thanks for the reminder to be content where I am in life and allow the seasons to unfold in the right timing. I’ll never get this time in my life to do over again, so I better enjoy it while it’s here! Amazing post Pastor Nicole!
I’m learning to be happy right here right now. Thanks for sharing, great words or wisdom.
Enjoying your life….where you are at and listening to God as he directs you! Great article!
Thank you for sharing Pastor Nicole. Yes, we must learn to be content in what ever situation we are in. Happiness, and fulfillment only comes from God. I really love this blog.
Omar – thank you sir!!!
So true! Learning to be happy where you are is the key to life! 🙂
Jon – A key that everyone would like to have in their pocket!
First, this could have saved me from horrible things had you wrote this 15 years ago, LOL. Its so true though, I have always noticed my relationships with other people are always affected when my relationship with God is off. Great word!!
Phil – I will gt right on sending this blog back in a time capsule 15 years. Wait a minute, where there blogs 15 years ago????
thats an awsome message pastor nicole. the only person that can make someone happy is themsevles by taking the time out for yourself can really make a big difference.
Roni – Taking time our for ourselves AND using that time to build our relationship with God. I have to be honest here….large amounts of alone time have never done me much good until I involved God in it 🙂
AMEN!!! This is awesome – as always, you said it best! Our true happiness in life can only come from a personal relationship with God.
It’s true Julia!
I LOVE this message! I think it a great reminder, especially during the holidays when, ironically, we can forget. Let’s embrace our lives as they are today!
Good word Jen S!
Wow.. this helped me so much Pastor Nicole!! thank you!
Destiny – What a compliment! Thank you!
Wow, I’ve been telling my husband that the reason he is not happy is because he is denying God. He’s has gone to the dark side to see if the grass is greener & he’s still bitter. Please pray for my husband Tim that he opens his heart to accept God as his savior so he can finally be happy & just maybe he will come home & we can get our marriage back on track by making God our cornerstone.
He’s been searching for happiness for years now & I keep telling him he’s looking in the wrong place. He’s commited adultery & thinks that will make him happy little does he realize that is only temporary but God is forever!
Man! This is exactly what I needed at this very moment in life!!!!! What a great reminder to enjoy every moment of your life…not wishing, wanting and waiting on the next moment, and thereby not maximizing your current moment. I’ve often found myself sleep-walking through whole seasons of my life, due to the anxiety of getting to the next season.
Just like Matt 6:33 encourages us to seek FIRST the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and THEN ALL these things shall be added unto you. I like the way the message Bible puts it – What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
Adrienne – Well said!
WOW!!! Love this! This is something God has been working on me with for the last 2 years! There is no better relationship than the one you have with Him! Thank you for another inspiring word!
I dream of the day when I am so busy/fulfilled that I have long forgotten my lifelong battle with loneliness. I was an only child, a single mother, and now an empty-nester. When I was (briefly) married and even now that I am living with new family, I still feel lonely when others are not interacting with me. When I am feeling my most desperate and ready to ask people around me to spend time with me because I am lonely, I stop and analyze it further down and realized it has been a long while since I have prayed. When I have a good, long praise session with God, my need for intimacy gets fulfilled and I feel soooo much better.
What a heartfelt and honest share. It takes great courage to share like you have. I am so proud of you.
It is an honest heart like this that God can move on. Expect great things Bonny!
Bonnie, I know how you feel. I too grew up alone and was ALWAYS lonely. That followed me into my marriage when I married at 14, raised 2 lovely children and then got a divorce after my daughter married and my son was off to university….I had a good man, a Christian man, but I thought it would be “more fun” to be single. It lead me down SO many wrong roads to this day. I’ve been with the Lord and strayed from Him SO many times and just broke off a relationship of almost 7 years that I should never have been in. Now here I am lonely again….but I was looking for happiness in that man and never really got it fully….I strayed from the Lord. I won’t go on and on, but thank you for your comment because it reminded ME that I really, really need prayer AND God back in my life….NOW. Thanks again for sharing and God bless you IMMENSELY!!
Wow… it’s like this blog was meant for me at this time! I have been trying to figure out what makes me happy for a long time now. What really made me tear up because it was so right on was this: “You might be wondering if the decisions you made were the right ones. Or perhaps, you’re wondering if you are in the right place, with the right person, and at the right time.” That right there is exactly how I feel!
Thanks so much for sharing, Pastor Nicole =) I am so blessed to be apart of this awesome church for almost 4 years now!
I am so blessed to have been able to share a word in due time. God has faith in you as well. Don’t stop seeking Him!
This is the first time I’ve ever read Pastor Nicole’s blog and I found it on FaceBook and from listening to the service today (Sunday, December 18th) on channel 13. I’m going to copy, paste and print that prayer to put on my refrigerator. I’m not in a good place right now. I’ve been in a relationship for going on 7 years now that I know I shouldn’t be in but just can’t seem to break off from. My daughter, my son, all my grandchildren and great grandchildren are Christians and I asked my daughter a while back what she REALLY thought about my relationship….and she told me “mom, you’ve been giving up God for A_____ for a very long time” and she was right.
I broke it off just the other day and am still feeling SOOOO very empty, lonely, scared, lost….you name it, I feel it. But I’m going to pray that prayer as many times a day as I need to until I REALLY BELIEVE it….that I’ve been forgiven AND when I can forgive myself for going the wrong way all these years. I think maybe it’s a stronghold I just can’t seem to “get rid of”…..but I have a book by Beth Moore on breaking strongholds and I’m going to read it.
I won’t write a book here, but thank you Pastor Nicole for putting that prayer on here. I’m going to subscribe to your blog and just keep thanking the Lord no matter HOW I feel for leading me forward and showing me what to do next. I’ve “dedicated” my life to this man for almost 7 years and just don’t know how to do anything else right now, but if I keep praying that prayer and giving thanks no matter what, I know the Lord will lead me and help me through this. Thanks for reading this and I’ll keep listening to the TV program every Sunday or taping it and reading the blog.
Awesome word Pastor Nicole! Sometimes we can forget so quickly that life goes by REALLY fast! We need to be happy right where we are whether that’s single or married….AND….the one thing I have learned is that if you think being in a relationship is going to make you happy then you’re sadly mistaken. If you don’t love yourself and God and know that He loves you, then a relationship isn’t going to change that either!
Great point Nikki! You have great insight.
Pastor Nicole, I need to read this today and I love the commitment prayer. I will continue to pray that prayer so I am closer to the Lord. I am a survivor and I am only here by the Grace of God; He carried me away from a horrible, evil person and a lifestyle that I was stuck in for a long time, I give him All Praise and Glory for Me Being Here Today (Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, and Financially). God is my Strength, my Savior, and my Father. I have been free for 10 years now and I praise God for Saving Me and My Boys. I have never told my testimony but I know I am suppose to. To show Others that might be in the same situation right now there is a Light at the End of that Tunnel and it is JESUS CHRIST our Savior. I am Alive and Strong Now Only Because God Saved Me and Carried Me Through Life. I love Faith Church and Pastor David and Pastor Nicole. God Bless Everyone!!! I want to say to everyone: Please Be Patient, Trust, Truly Believe, and Have Faith In God; Beacuse You will not be forsaken!
I know that your testimony will speak to people’s hearts! You are obviously a courageous person. I am proud of you and so is God!
Pastor Nicole, I can really relate to your testimony. When I first heard it 4 years ago I was surprised and so amazed at how you can tell your story so publicly. I know it must be hard to tell thousand of people (women). To me, I am a survivor and a very strong women but when I think about telling my story it bring up alot of bad memories. I know that I am suppose to tell; God wants his Praise for protecting me, saving me, and giving me and my boys a new life. I am one of GOD’S Walking Miracles. I cried when I heard your story again and again over the years and I thought WOW someone similar to me and my story. God will give me the strength one day to give my testimony and I hope I touch other women and their lives like you have touched mine. Pastor Nicole, I think you are a beautiful person inside and out. I know your a survivor like me. I love Faith Church. Pastor Phil has been there for my son when he needed a positive male role model. I am so blessed to have him in our lives. Pastor David we all love you and your amazing and I love listening to you preach. God Bless You!
Thank you Pastor Nicole for always speaking truth into my life!
Wow! So needed this Word! Thanks Pastor Nicole- It’s always a blessing reading your blog!
PASTOR NICOLE, I REALLY NEEDED THAT MESSAGE TODAY, SOMETIMES AT THIS BUSY SEASON I JUST FORGET TO PRAY FOR ALL OF THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE THAT GOD HAS FOR ME. THANKS AGAIN LOVE PAM
Pam – God has great timing, doesn’t He? We all forget those same things. It’s fantastic that we can remind each other.
Awesome word, Pastor Nicole. I find myself content with where I am in life right now and God just continues to bless me through my obedience to Him. I know that He is always there for me and with me in all that life throws my way. But I have to admit there are times I still feel lonely…like when your sitting in a doctors office, having another procedure, more blood drawn, more tests…etc. Those are the times that I feel so alone because my flesh wants that human connection at those specific times. Thanks for all you do Pastor Nicole. Love ya.