Don’t Fail Me, Now!

I’ve been married twice. My first husband was a man I thought was the man of my dreams.

Our marriage was AWESOME… for three whole weeks!

One Friday night, he didn’t come home. I was sure that he was stopping to get me flowers. (After all, it was my birthday weekend.)

By 1:00 am, I’d called his mother, all the hospitals, and the police. Saturday morning turned into Saturday night. I fell asleep, exhausted from crying all day. Sunday morning turned into Sunday night and I started thinking that I’d never see him again.

That’s when he BURST through the door in a fit of anger! He’d gotten paid on Friday and blown his entire paycheck on crack cocaine. When he ran out of money, he came home to hurt me.

He maxed out our credit cards. He sold the furniture out of our house. Even a restraining order didn’t stop him.

He got so violent that he broke my rib and herniated a disk in my neck when he threw me through a wall!

Just give me a screwdriver. Even to this day, I can change out a deadbolt lock in under FIVE MINUTES!

I prayed! God, SAVE my marriage! God, make him love ME more than he loves drugs! It was the most painful time of my life!

I couldn’t figure it out. I thought, for sure, God had FAILED ME.

But, God says, “Trust Me! My ways are not your ways. I’m so much bigger than you can ask think or imagine!”

Now, when I look at my life, my husband David, my family, my calling and my ministry; when I look at the special insight and revelation I have to speak to hurting people…. I realize that God didn’t fail me at all. I came THOROUGH!

God was protecting and PREPARING me for this ministry. I’m EXACTLY where I’m supposed to be!


Have you ever felt like God failed you?

14 Responses

  1. Nicole! I think you are awesome. You survived to be a wonderful genuine witness of God’s love for His children (even when we are down and changing deadbolts). Thanks for sharing and am happy you are now happier than you have evern been 🙂

  2. Bethany M

    Pastor Nicole thank you for sharing!!

    I am not sure if I feel god has failed me but more questioning if I have failed him. I have always wanted to be a mom and my husband and I miscarried 3 times before we were blessed with a baby boy. That baby boy is now 20 years old. My husband and I have been great parents giving everything to bring him up in a loving and godly home. But he does not believe anymore and has chosen the wrong path in life.

    I pray for him every day and know that god has a path for him but it hurts to watch him go down this path. I question myself every day how did this happen? What did I do wrong? I see parents around me that I know are not living in the word and their kids are doing all of the right things? Maybe I was not supposed to be a parent?

  3. Kevin Kast

    Hi….can you possibly send me the Theological Beliefs of Faith Church. Are there like ten things you build your belief structure around? Am pretty impressed with the Belief structure of The Family Church. But am closer to your Weldon Spring location.

  4. chikumbutso Henry

    I dont think I have ever felt like God has failed me because I know he never fails. But i have definitely asked and prayed and felt like God why me and why is this not happening yet, wondering if sees my tears I am crying Especially when the pain keeps getting worse. Going through the most difficult time of my life and I need now more than ever to feel Gods plan

  5. Carol Danowski

    God never fails us – he only prepares us. Every experience we have walked through leads us to him – we build on his foundation so that we can be a beacon of this light in a dark world. You are a beacon of light for all of us Nicole. Your testimony, your ministry, your faith all serve our God. He is proud of you in every moment. Bless you.

  6. Kimberly Fielder

    Wow! I can totally relate.
    With all I’ve gone through as a young child to my husband I’m with now.
    I’ve wondered why and why didn’t you stop it. Joyce Meyer has said hurting people hurt people and that is so true.
    Our battles belong to God and through what I’ve went through I know I can help somebody else go through it and hopefully easier and quicker.
    Thank you for this post it opened my eyes.

  7. Donita

    I hear the Lord tell me – “Trust me”. And I do with all I know how, but sometimes it’s difficult- so each day is a new day and with all I know I try again.

  8. BBH

    I’m watching the Believer’s Voice of Victory tonight, 12/2/18 at 12:01am and you came on. When you started talking about how you were divorced and that there was domestic violence in your previous marriage, you were touching on something I’ve been struggling with. I divorced an abusive, manipulative husband addicted to hard core porn years ago and one of the senior pastors of the nondenominational church I went to at the time told me I’d be in the wrong in God’s eyes if I divorced. I was so angry, I severed my relationship with God and with church for years. I’m happy to say I’ve returned to God and my faith is true and stronger than it has been.

    But there has been a lingering worry that I’m not to marry again because I divorced. Through declarations, God brought me the kind of man I declared I wanted and we’ve been together eight years and he wants to marry me and I’ve been afraid. Afraid that it will end in divorce again. When I heard you say you’re divorced and you’re a pastor, I listened carefully. When you said that “God didn’t fail me in my marriage. I failed God by marrying the wrong man.” It seemed like an answer to my prayer asking God if the man I’m with is the one He wants me to marry and to show me that it’s ok for me to remarry.

    I’ve lived and struggled and suffered with this for so long. Thank you for sharing your story, because I needed to know that it’s ok with God to remarry.

  9. Georgy

    Hey! just want to share – i read your messages . . your sharing from the heart helps more than i know how to tell you
    Thank You.

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